On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. and that's the only time I have to work on my hair!

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. The shoplifter special?

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. and that would be how???....

On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. but, it's "just" a suggestion.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): Do not turn upside down. well...duh, a bit late, huh!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. ...and you thought????...

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. but wouldn't this save me more time?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication. We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness. and...I'm taking this because???....

On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. as opposed to...what?

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.

On Sunsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. talk about a news flash.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts. Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?

On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.