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Elephant Jokes
These the elephant jokes that I have collected over the years. Many of the jokes have slight variations, such as VW instead of Mini, and many have sequences of follow on jokes, frequently with different threads. If you know any other (reasonably clean) Elephant Jokes that are not shown here, please e-mail them to me.
Q: What's Grey on the inside and pink on the outside?
A: An inside out elephant.
Q: What's big, red and slimy?
A: An inside out elephant.
Q: What's grey and not there ?
A: No elephants
Q: Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
A: Because if they were small, white and smooth, they would be aspirins!
Q: Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
Q: Why do elephants have wrinkled knees?
A: They play marbles too much!
Q: Why do elephants have wrinkled ankles?
A: Their tennis shoes are too tight!
Q: Why do elephants wear pink tennis shoes?
A: Their white ones are dirty!
Q: Why do elephants float down river with their feet in the air?
A: So they don't get their pink tennis shoes wet!
Q: Why do elephants wear small green hats?
A: So they can sneak across snooker tables without being observed.
Q: How does an elephant hide in a forest?
A: He paints his toenails red and hides in a cherry tree.
Q: Did you ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?
A: No? See, it works!
Q: How did the elephant get in the cherry tree?
A: He climbed on a stone and waited for it to grow!
Q: How did the elephant get down from the tree?
A: He climbed on a leaf and waited until Autumn.
Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a cherry?
A: An elephant is grey!
Q: What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look! A herd of cherries!", she was colour blind!
Q: What do you call and elephant with a machine gun?
A: Sir!
Q: What do you call an elephant wearing a pink dress and ear muffs?
A: Anything you want, it can't hear you!
Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try and forget!
Q: Why did the elephant fall out of a tree?
A: He was dead.
Q: Why did the second elephant also fall out of the tree?
A: He was glued to the first!
Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: He thought it was a game and wanted to join in!
Q: Why did the tree fall down?
A: He thought he was a elephant!
Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in his mouth!
Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup.
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not a red elephant gun! Hold his trunk closed, wait for him to turn blue and use the blue elephant gun!
Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns blushes red, strangle him and then use the blue elephant gun!
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant? There's no such thing!
Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be stupid, elephants can change light bulbs!
Q: What is grey and lights up?
A: An electric elephant.
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built in snorkel!
Q: How do you make an elephant float?
A: You take an elephant, cut it in half, add 5 tons of ice cream, 5 tons of mixed fruit and poor over 2 tons of chocolate sauce and cover with nuts!
Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the road wearing pink sweat shirts?
A: They are all on the same team!
Q: How do you know if you have an elephant in bed with you?
A: She has a big "E" on the pyjama pocket!
Q: Why don't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
A: They keep dropping their trunks!
Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards!
Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they'd look silly carrying suitcases.
Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant in the road?
A: "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant! ..." (to the tune of Pink Panther)
Q: What did the elephant do when he saw a live ant?
A: He stamped it death and said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant..."
Q: Why do elephants wear white gloves?
A: So they don't get their hands dirty when they crush ants.
Q: Why do elephants have wrinkled feet?
A: To give ants a chance.
Q: Why do rhinoceroses have flat feet?
A: They are evil bastards!
Q: Why do elephants lie on their backs?
A: To hide from canaries?
Q: Why does the elephant have a white spot on his back?
A: He didn't lie on his back!
Q: What do you get when you cross and elephant with an ant?
A: Dead ant!
Q: What has two trunks, two tails and five feet?
A: An elephant with spare parts.
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: To pick up the squashed chicken!
Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires?
A: Smokey, the elephant.
Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!
Q: What did one elephant say to another when he stepped on a pygmy?
A: Look what I just stepped in!
Q: What do elephants use as slippers?
A: Sheep!
Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing. Peanuts can't speak!
Q: How do you tell if an elephant has been in the baby carriage?
A: By the foot prints on the baby's forehead!
Q: How do you make elephant stew?
A: Keep him waiting for a few hours!
Q: What's the difference between an elephant and peanut butter?
A: An elephant doesn't get stuck to the roof of your mouth!
Q: How do you catch an elephant?
A: Hide in the grass and make a noise like a peanut!
Q: How can you tell if there is an elephant hiding in your bath?
A: You can smell the peanuts on his breath.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant's been in your bed?
A: Because it's full of peanut shells.
Q: Why do elephants wear bright green nails?
A: So they can hide in a patch of peas.
Q: How can you tell the difference between a herd of elephants and a bunch of grapes?
A: Jump up and down on them. If you get wine, you have grapes!
Q: What did the grape say when the elephant crushed it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Q: How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle?
A: Tie a knot in it's tail!
An elephant is a mouse built to military specification.
An elephant is a mouse with a Windows operating system.
Two elephants fell off a cliff.
Boom, Boom!
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Elephants.
Elephants Who?
Ella Fintzgerald!
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Q: What do you do if an elephant sits on your handkerchief?
A: Wait for it to get up.
Q: How do you get an elephant into a telephone kiosk?
A: Open the door.
Q: What sound you get when you drop an elephant down a mineshaft?
A: A-flat minor.
Q: What sound do you get when you drop an elephant into an army camp?
A: A-flat major.
Q: Why can't two elephants go swimming?
A: They only have one pair of trunks between them.
Q: Why did the elephant dry the dishes with a blue dish towl?
A: Because they were wet!

Q: What does Tarzan say when he see a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "There's a herd of elephants in the distance"!
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses in the distance?
A: Nothing, he doesn't recognize them!
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Hah! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not again!"
Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
A: You can hear him scream Oyoyoyioiuoooooo!
Q: How many Tarzans can you put in a fridge?
A: One silly, there is only one Tarzan!
Q: Why are there so many elephants running around in the jungle?
A: Tarzans fridge isn't large enough to hold them all!
Q: How can you tell if you have had elephants in the fridge?
A: By the footprints in the butter!
Q: How do you get an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the door, insert elephant, close door.
Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
A: Open the door, remove the elephant, insert giraffe, close door!
Q: How do you know when there are two elephants in the fridge?
A: You can hear them whispering!
Q: How do you know when there are three elephants in the fridge?
A: The door won't close!
Q: How do you smuggle an elephant over the border?
A: Put a slice of bread over each ear and call him lunch!
Q: Why can't an elephant ride a bicycle?
A: Because he doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell!
Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!
Q: How do you know there is an elephant in the pub?
A: His bicycle is outside.
Q: How do you know there are two elephants in the pub?
A: The bicycle's cross-bar has a dent in it!
Q: How do you know there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bicycle and look in the window!
Q: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.
Q: What do you get if you cross and elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Bl**dy great holes in the lawn!
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling!
Q: Why doe elephants wear sandals?
A: So they don't sink in the sand.
Q: Why do ostriches stick their heads in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear sandals!
Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So they can hide upside down in a bowl of custard.
Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well it must work then!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant is colour blind?
A: You can see the soles of his feet in the custard!
Q: Why do elephants live in herds?
A: So they can get a discount bulk buying yellow paint.
Q: Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?
A: So he didn't fall in the hot chocolate!
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off!
Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 2m.p.h.
Q: How do you know if you pass an elephant?
A: You can't get the toilet seat down!
Q: How do you get an elephant in a Mini?
A: Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.
Q: What's more difficult than getting an pregnant elephant into a Mini?
A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a Mini!
Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the Mini door, take the elephant out, close the Mini door, open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge door.
Q: How do you put four elephants into a Mini?
A: Two in the front and two in the back.
Q: How do you know if there are four elephants in your fridge
A: There's a Mini parked outside it.
Q: How do you get eight elephants in a fridge?
A: Put four elephants in one Mini, four elephants in another and then put both Minis in the Fridge. If a fridge can hold two elephants, surely it can hold two Minis!
Q: What did the fifth elephant in the Mini discover?
A: The sun roof!
Q: How do you get six elephants in a Mini?
A: Two in the front, two in the back and two in the glove box!
Q: The Lion, animal King of the jungle, invited all the animals to a party. All showed up except the elephants. Why?
A: They were stuck in the Mini!
Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a Mini?
A: None, the elephants were already inside!
Q: How does the elephant get into the oak tree?
A: He climbs on an acorn and waits 50 years for it to grow.
Q: What if he didn't want to wait fifty years?
A: Put him in an aero plane, and give him a parachute!
Q: Why shouldn't you go into the forest at one in the afternoon?
A: That's when elephants practice their parachute jumping.
Q: What is a furry alligator?
A: A brown bear that went into the woods an one in the afternoon!
Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: That's when elephants go skydiving!
Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: They climb oak tree between 2 and 4 in the afternoon!
Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: So they can stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: So they can stamp out the flaming ducks!
Q: Why do giraffes have long necks?
A: To spit on burning elephants!!
Q: Why do elephants have feet shaped the way they are?
A: So they can fit on lily pads.
Q: Why isn't it safe to go on lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads!
Q: Why are frogs so short?
A: They walk on lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoons!
Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: They can't tell the time!
Q: What is stuck between an elephant's toes?
A: Slow pygmies.
Q: What's green and slimy and hangs from tall trees?
A: Elephant boogers!
Q: What is beautiful and grey and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant!
Q: Why did the elephant paint himself all different colours?
A: So he could hide in a box of crayons.
Q: How do you get down from and elephant?
A: You don't stupid! You get down from a duck!
Q: What do you get when you cross and elephant with a chicken?
A: I don't know, but Colonel Sanders would have fun trying to dip it in the batter wouldn't he?
Q: What would you get is Batman & Robin were run over by a herd of elephants?
A: Flatman and Ribbon!
Q: How do elephants hide in a bottle of sauce?
A: They paint themselves red?
Q: Does it work?
A: Have you ever seen an elephant in a bottle of sauce?
Q: What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
A: Cold ones.
Q: What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds?
A: An elephant six-pack.
Q: What is the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?
A: About three thousand miles.
Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?
A: You can't make a paper airplane out of an elephant.
Q: Why don't elephants like blue lace petticoats?
A: Who says they don't like them?
Cartoon Elephant Picture

Rude Elephant Jokes
Q: How does an elephant hide in a jungle?
A: He paints his balls red and sits in a cherry tree.
Q: What is the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: A native eating cherries!
Q: How did Tarzan die?
A: Picking cherries!
Q: What's the fastest thing in the jungle?
A: A monkey picking cherries!
Q: What is the most frightening sound and elephant can hear?
A: A giraffe eating cherries from the next tree!
Q: How does the male elephant find the female elephant when she is lying in grass?
A: Very attractive!
Q: How do you know if elephants have been screwing in your garden?
A: The flower beds are all crushed and you are missing a garbage bag!
Q: What did the elephant say to a nude man?
A: "Cute, but can you breathe through it?"
Q: How do you make an elephant fly?
A: Start with a three foot zip!
Q: What do you get when you cross and elephant with a hooker?
A: A two ton pickup!
Q: What do you get when you cross and elephant with a hooker?
A: She will do it for peanuts and never forget you!
Q: What is the biggest drawback in the jungle?
A: An elephants foreskin.
Q: Heard of the wallet made from an elephant's foreskin?
A: When rubbed, it becomes a briefcase!
Q: Why do elephants have four feet?
A: seven inches is just not enough!
Q: Where is an elephant's dick located?
A: On his foot, if he treads on you, you're f**cked!

Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four, two at the front and two at the back!
Q: What has two grey legs and two brown ones?
A: An elephant with diarrhoea!
Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhoea?
A: Plenty of room!
Q: What do elephants use as condoms?
A: Snakes!
Q: What do elephants use for vibrators?
A: Epileptic Pygmies!
Q: What do elephants use a tampons?
A: Sheep!
Q: Why do elephants have long trunks?
A: Sheep don't come with strings!
Q: Why do rivers run red in Africa?
A: They don't have sheep in Africa!
Q: What's the moral of these jokes?
A: Avoid red wool from Africa!
Q: Why do elephants wear springs on their feet?
A: So they can jump up and rape monkeys!
Q: What do moneys hate the sound of most?
A: Boooiiinnnggg... Boooiiinnnggg... Boooiiinnnggg...
Q: What do you get when you cross and elephant with a rat?
A: A dead rat with an 18 inch asshole!
Q: What is the height of ambition?
A: An ant climbing up and elephant's leg with the intention of rape!
Q: What did the female elephant say during sex?
A: "Can I be on top this time?"
Q: What do you get when you cross and elephant and an orang-utan?
A: One dead ape with four foot stretch marks!
Q: What do you do if you come over an elephant?
A: Apologise and wipe it up!

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